Writing Things — Sonia's Blog

The planning fallacy is the reason one of my best friends, who is renovating the house she bought with her partner, hasn’t moved in yet. It’s the reason launch dates are hard to stick to, and why deadlines seem reasonable when you’re setting them but absurd as the date creeps closer.

Put simply, the planning fallacy is the tendency to underestimate how long and/or challenging a project will be, and overestimate our ability to execute it; resulting in unachievable plans and deadlines that don’t reflect reality.

Human Behaviour, ProductivitySonia DiabDecember 4, 2020planning fallacy, optimism, inside view, anchoring

You Should Read This… But it’s Up to You

…Alas, as much as this article seems to be heading towards big, deep topics, it will not get heavy. There’ll be no thoughts on governance or inherent human freedoms or cultural shifts or the best way to combat a virus. So, don’t worry about that.

Instead, I want to move us to a comparatively minuscule space; a theory in psychology that has probably been having a grand ole time playing in our brains this year.

Because as restrictions rise and fall, our brains respond. And how people react to perceived threats to their autonomy can be pretty interesting…

Human Behaviour, Leadership and InfluenceSonia DiabNovember 27, 2020Reactance, psychology, but you're free

It Does Not Take 21 Days to Form a Habit

I remember the question being asked in a professional development seminar I was attending once: How many days does it take to build a habit?

My hand shot up and I answered with confidence, “21 days!”

If you enjoy the self-development space, you’ve undoubtedly heard the same.

But the sneaky facilitator looked at me with a cheeky grin. “Actually, that’s not right…”

Human Behaviour, ProductivitySonia DiabNovember 16, 2020habit

Would You Notice an Elite Musician Playing on the Street?

Our expectations shape our experiences: Presumably, people assumed that if they recognised the name of the poet, the poem was probably a good one. If they didn’t know the name, they could still decide it was a good one, but it would probably take more work to come to that conclusion. The brain didn’t have a signal of the poem’s quality, so it couldn’t jump straight to a higher ranking without considering it carefully. On the other hand, expecting a famous poet's poem to be great probably increased the enjoyment in reading the poem anyway.

When Joshua Bell was playing his violin at the subway station, it may have been a similar process. He was wearing regular clothes, busking while people travelled to work. There was nothing to signal – aside from the beautiful performance – that people should pay attention. No sign, no suit, no paparazzi.

Human Behaviour, PhilosophySonia DiabNovember 8, 2020inattentional blindness, focus, expectations, psychology

Why People Are So Self-Conscious

If you’ve ever accidentally worn mismatching socks, or woken up with a pimple you can’t hide, or worn an outfit that defies your usual wardrobe style, you have probably felt it. That sense that everyone is looking at you; judging your appearance or noticing that flaw.

By the time you get home, you may have convinced yourself that your socks or pimple or slight alteration of appearance is the talk of the town.

Surely everyone in the office noticed as soon as you got to work in the morning.

The thing is... they probably didn’t.

The Power of Patience and Why We Complain About Kids These Days

The common perception of patience is that of a dwindling human virtue, clutching onto life as Leo DiCaprio clutched onto that piece of wood.

And the perception makes sense when we consider the instant-gratification we get from social media, immediate responses in communication, fast shopping and meal deliveries, and breaking news updates straight to our phone.

If someone said to me that young people now are more patient than previous generations at the same age, I wouldn’t believe them.

Alas, I’m about to tell you that exact thing, so feel free not to believe me.

Human Behaviour, PhilosophySonia DiabOctober 12, 2020patience

Groupthink: When People in Groups Make Irrational Decisions

Groupthink occurs when social conformity in a group leads to irrational decision-making or beliefs.

Janis describes it as “the mode of thinking that persons engage in when concurrence-seeking becomes so dominant in a cohesive ingroup that it tends to override realistic appraisal of alternative courses of action.”

He goes on to say, “…the term refers to a deterioration in mental efficiency, reality testing and moral judgments as a result of group pressures”.

Janis argues that groupthink drove the failure to anticipate Japan’s attack on Pearl Harbor despite the various warning signs. Intelligence lost contact with Japanese aircraft carriers, but Admiral H. E. Kimmel and his post didn’t even suspect that they could be the next target.

Human Behaviour, PhilosophySonia DiabOctober 5, 2020groupthink, philosophy, stoicism, decision making

The Narcissist vs. the Machiavellian: What's the Difference?

The dark triad subclinical traits involve toxic behaviours which you may be familiar with: Using specific strategies to achieve selfish goals; dishonest social tactics and manipulation for personal gain.

But while discussions of narcissism are popular these days and the dark triad traits are often discussed together, in practice it can be tricky to discern between Machiavellianism and narcissism.

There is a significant amount of literature, especially with narcissism which involves several types of narcissists (a topic for another time), and I’m going to try and keep it simple here. What is a narcissist, what is a Machiavellian, and what’s the difference?

Human BehaviourSonia DiabOctober 3, 2020dark triad, narcissism, Machiavellian

How Gratitude Can Make You Happier

Amor fati. A key part of Stoicism, the concept translates to “love of fate”.

It means we embrace and accept everything that comes our way. We make the best out of our circumstances and appreciate that things happen: It is not the thing, but how we respond to it that matters.

So, even if circumstances are beyond our realm of control, we stay positive and accepting.

Philosophy, Human BehaviourSonia DiabSeptember 28, 2020gratitude

How to Remember Someone’s Name (and Why it's Important)

“A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” – Dale Carnegie.

Implicit egotism is the notion that people are drawn to things – people, locations, anything really – that we associate with the self.

As a teeny example, when I would play Mortal Kombat when I was younger, I would only play as the character Sonia.

Human Behaviour, Leadership and InfluenceSonia DiabSeptember 25, 2020names, rapport, memory

How to Get a Better Night's Sleep

Sleep is the opportunity for our brains and bodies to recharge. It helps our waking concentration, planning, memory, and weight-regulation. Sleep deprivation has been linked to irritability, increased anxiety, poor memory, reduced reasoning and verbal skills, and physical dysfunction on almost every conceivable level from obesity to the risk of motor vehicle accidents to cardiovascular problems. There are also estimates that about 90% of clinically depressed patients note issues with sleep quality, including insomnia.

Productivity, Human BehaviourSonia DiabSeptember 22, 2020sleep

How Much Money Do You Need to Earn to Be Happy?

Money doesn’t grow on trees.

If it did, though, I don’t know about you, but I’d buy a money tree. Definitely.

And although we all grew up on the idea that money isn’t everything, we can accept that it’s still something.

Does earning more money make us happier? It seems the answer is, potentially, yes. But with some careful caveats.

Human Behaviour, Topical / MiscSonia DiabSeptember 21, 2020money, happiness, human behaviour, income

Kindness is a Tool of Persuasion

As much as the Greek Gods were divine, they also demonstrated very human traits. Case in point: Their relationship with humans wasn’t unconditional and all-loving. It was reciprocal.

Reciprocation is a known principle of influence today. In Robert Cialdini’s classic work, Influence, he describes it as one of the most pervasive human behaviours across history.

Reciprocity is at work when someone does us a favour or kindness, and we feel obliged to give something back in return.

Leadership and Influence, Human BehaviourSonia DiabSeptember 15, 2020Reciprocity, consumer behaviour, persuasion

Book Recommendations September 2020

Reading is one of the most important parts of my daily routine – non-fiction books are practical, thought-provoking and educational. And fiction books, typically part of my before-bed routine, throw you into a story, prompt emotional responses and get the creative juices flowing.

These non-fiction books have all been recommended in my newsletters over the last two to three months. From philosophy to productivity, influence to insomnia - there’s something for everyone here.

Topical / MiscSonia DiabSeptember 12, 2020Books

Does Your Personality Change Over Time?

The brain and human behaviour are wonderful things because we are always learning more about them. They’re a bit of a mystery wrapped in an enigma, with fields from evolutionary psychology to biology to behavioural science all striving to uncover their secrets.

For a very long time, the commonly held view was that personality doesn’t change. I remember reading the long-standing theory that personality ‘locked in’ at around 30 years old. After 30, you were done. Finito.

Human Behaviour, Topical / MiscSonia DiabSeptember 11, 2020Personality, human behaviour

What Your Smartphone Habits Reveal About Your Personality, According to Science

Our phones have become intrinsically connected to our identities. According to an analysis by dscout, the average person touches their phone 2,617 times every single day. For most people, it’s never more than a few feet away. It’s part of who we are now.

Although an analysis of someone’s smartphone provides insight into their personal story, it turns out there are elements we can use to predict personality, too…

Productivity, Human BehaviourSonia DiabSeptember 9, 2020phone, PersonalityComment

Can You Be a Loner Without Being Lonely?

Many friendships have ended or changed during this time. Some have been torn apart by opposing political or pandemic views. Financial concerns would have slowly edged out others. And the friends who were really just acquaintances you mistook for meaningful, perhaps because the fun activities you did together created a veil of depth and enjoyment… well they’d be standing out pretty starkly when there’s just a zoom screen, and no hobby masking your blatant incongruity.

Philosophy, Human BehaviourSonia DiabSeptember 8, 2020friendship, solitude, loneliness

How the Paradox of Choice is Wasting Your Time

The paradox of choice is a paradox because we assume that more choices are necessarily a good thing. If I’m a business and I offer more options to my customers, I’d anticipate better sales results. If you’re staying in on a Friday night and want to watch a movie, you’d think that having thousands of movies available through streaming services would be a convenient and helpful service.

And while having choices can be empowering, having too many choices can be a hindrance.

The Power of Silence

Silence is golden

“Be silent, or say something better than silence.” -Pythagoras

We hear many stories of philosophers, writers, inventors and thinkers embracing silence. How they would go for long walks with nothing but the sound of nature to accompany them, or sit and think, alone, in their studies.

Human Behaviour, Productivity, Leadership and Influence, PhilosophySonia DiabSeptember 4, 2020silence

On Productivity: Decision Fatigue and Crappy Afternoons

We have a limited amount of energy for decision-making, so minimising the peripheral choices we would otherwise add to the mix can help us focus on more important things. Otherwise, by the time evening rolls around, we end up irritable and exhausted. You could find yourself at the tail end of the workday, making dumb concessions in a negotiation. Or, you could be so mentally drained that you give in to your impulse to order too much junk food from UberEats. Lowered inhibitions and stupid choices because our brain is done and over it.