How Gratitude Can Make You Happier
“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all the others.” - Marcus Tullius Cicero
In medieval times, long-distance communication was a process.
Most people were illiterate. So, if you had a message to send, you’d engage a messenger to orally learn your message so that they could recite it to the recipient.
If you were cashed-up and the message was important, you might even splurge on a scribe to write a physical letter for you, that would travel with the messenger.
Then, it’d be time to chill out for several weeks while the message made its journey. Hopefully, the messenger wouldn’t be held up by bandits or lousy weather.
Hopefully, they’d remember the message you told them.
Today, I’m sitting at my computer on a sunny Sunday, typing this to you. I don’t need to train a pigeon or buy loads of parchment.
I know we all know it, but technology today is astounding. I’ll bet medieval folk would assume we’re deep into black magic with the ridiculous connectivity we have today.
Comparatively, it’s pretty incredible. I always forget how amazing the internet is until the NBN has scheduled maintenance and I find myself wandering around aimlessly for a few hours.
Which brings me to today’s topic: Gratitude.
The dichotomy of control and amor fati
Two ideas from the Stoics come to mind when I think about gratitude: The dichotomy of control, and amor fati.
Epictetus says that when a jarring or negative thought pops into our heads, we should do the following: First, remind ourselves that thoughts are just appearances. They’re not facts. Then,
“Next, examine it and test it by these rules that you have. First and foremost, does it involve the things up to us, or the things not up to us?
And if it involves one of the things not up to us, have the following response to hand: “Not my business”.
This idea is known as the dichotomy of control. The point is that we distinguish in life between those things we can control and those we can’t.
Many waste time worrying, stressing, catastrophising, and focusing on things we cannot change or influence.
(Oh, hello, is this an autobiography?)
But when we focus on what we can control, we walk the path towards freedom and happiness, instead of away from it.
The dichotomy of control, in turn, leads us to amor fati. A key part of Stoicism, the concept translates to “love of fate”.
It means we embrace and accept everything that comes our way. We make the best out of our circumstances and appreciate that things happen: It is not the thing, but how we respond to it that matters.
So, even if circumstances are beyond our realm of control, we stay positive and accepting.
Marcus Aurelius said, “A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it.”
(Kind of the ancient equivalent to “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”)
Inherently tied to this is that we will be happier, better individuals when we are appreciative. After all, you can’t have a love of fate without being grateful for what you have had, and what you have now.
The science of thankfulness
A 2017 study found that gratitude tends to increase with age, with older adults holding higher levels of gratitude than middle age and younger adults. (Thinking about your older or younger family members, you'll probably come to the same conclusion I did: Sounds about right.) The research also suggests that gratitude is connected to higher subjective well-being throughout our lives.
But we don’t necessarily need more revolutions around the sun to reap the benefits of thankfulness.
In 2003, Dr Robert Emmons and Dr Michael McCullough investigated how gratitude practice can influence psychological and physical well-being. One experiment (discussed here) had students split into three groups. One group was asked to write down five things they were grateful for each week. Another was asked to describe five annoying things, and the final was asked to note five things that affected them in general (neither specifically positive nor negative).
After ten weeks, the researchers analysed the results.
The first group, unsurprisingly, reported higher levels of gratitude. Beyond that, though, they also felt more optimistic about the future and felt more life satisfaction generally. They also self-reported more exercise and fewer health ailments.
As the research area continues to grow, there are suggestions that gratitude can aid with mental clarity and happiness (even with mental disorders and conditions), strengthen relationships, overcome challenges and even improve physical health.
Gratitude practice
This year has been… something. Gratitude in this time – when so many are losing jobs, experiencing illness, fearing for their future – seems counterintuitive.
I suspect if Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and the other Stoics were here, they’d encourage us to focus on gratitude even more.
Common practices to enhance gratitude include gratitude journaling (like in the study above), consciously thanking and showing support to people in your life, and mindful meditation.
We have to work a little bit harder for it now, sure. But in some ways, the stripped-back experience of 2020 allows the important things to shine brighter. And, like most habits, the more you look for things to be thankful for, the more easily you’ll find them.
My goal is to practice more gratitude with daily journaling. (In tonight's entry: Thankful that I don't need to train a pigeon for these writing pieces. Or a bunch of pigeons, because, you know, I'm not very succinct.)
What does your gratitude practice look like?
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