self — Writing Things

Is it time to revisit your New Year's Resolution?

We’ve just about come to that point in January where, for many of us, the gust of novelty and promise of a new year is beginning to wear thin. We’re no longer writing and then having to scribble out ‘2023’ when marking down a date. 2024 is starting to settle in. All those ‘I’ll deal with it in the new year’ tasks are also coming back to roost. And, according to Norcross and Vangarello's findings, at the time of writing, between 34 and 40 percent of people reading this will have abandoned their resolution from the New Year.

Suffice it all to say: If you’ve found yourself at this point in January and your resolve is starting to shake, you are far from alone. If our goals for the year are starting to head south, how might we rejuvenate the motivation and energy to bring a resolution back to life?

Productivity, Self, Human BehaviourSonia DiabJanuary 18, 2024self, resolutions, goals, goal setting, self development, change, persistence

The Rituals That Make Us: Part 2

If we were to perceive some common societal rituals for the first time, I bet many would feel almost like a practical joke. From brides throwing bouquets to people lining up for hours to get the best Black Friday deals; from memorialising moments by taking pictures of ourselves on little handheld devices, to gender reveal parties. Humans are weird. Again, shared meaning is imperative as we operate in this broader social and cultural context. The last edition of this newsletter focussed more on individual rituals and their impacts, but, of course, many rituals operate as effective mechanisms for human togetherness. I found it interesting that Dad and the other people I spoke with all told stories of rituals that were shared with other people. Social rituals bring us closer through this shared meaning, helping us move through difficult experiences like grief and loss, celebrate change, or simply facilitate feelings of connection and social identity. In more ways than one, it’s the rituals that make us.

Self, Philosophy, Human BehaviourSonia DiabJanuary 4, 2024rituals, new year, goals, goal setting, philosophy, change, self, self development

How to release unrealistic expectations

Perfectionistic striving, perfectionistic concerns, and the power of curiosity

I am, and always have been, what you might call the stereotypical perfectionist: Classic type A operator, high expectations of the self, etc. etc.

Of course, I’m not alone here - perfectionism is only becoming more common. One meta-analysis examining different cohorts from 1989 to 2016, for example, led researchers to assert that all types of perfectionism have been increasing over time. They found more recent generations of university pupils identified with more socially-prescribed perfectionism than their predecessors, stating, “This finding suggests that young people are perceiving that their social context is increasingly demanding, that others judge them more harshly, and that they are increasingly inclined to display perfection as a means of securing approval.”

And different types of perfectionism can have negative impacts. For example, research has found links between perfectionistic tendencies and procrastination, with indications that discrepancies may be an important factor between the two: That is, negative interpretations that I’ve not met the standards I expect for myself, and other intense self-evaluations. More maladaptive types of perfectionism have also been linked to more stress, personal and professional burnout, and even potential impacts on physical health.

Human Behaviour, SelfSonia DiabSeptember 10, 2023curiosity, perfectionism, expectations, self, self development

The problem with positivity

Increases in life satisfaction and resilience have been linked to positive emotions. Other research suggests that there is a continuous and positively reinforcing relationship between positive social connections, positive emotions, and physical wellbeing. A social cognitive perspective of emotion highlights that emotional contagion - the spread of positive or negative emotional states from one person to another and throughout a group - is a very real phenomenon, and the overall affective tone of a group has been linked to performance. My own PhD research (in progress!) is exploring some of this, looking at how different emotions and affective experiences sit within leadership models and consequently relate to outcomes.

But in recent years I’ve definitely pulled back on the all-in-positivity. (Needless to say, I don’t use that sign anymore, either.)

The problem with positivity is not positivity itself. I think the issue is that, particularly in recent decades, we tend to have begun framing positivity as an isolated concept. But it’s not.

Yearly reflections: My big three for 2023

As one is wont to do amidst Spotify wrapped Instagram stories, heartfelt Facebook posts, and twitter threads inviting me to make 2023 my best yet (follow my Substack to learn how!), I find myself prompted into reflection on the last 360-odd days.

In some ways, this year has been challenging. At a personal level, I’ve taken a seat on the periphery of some loss and some illness. I’ve also experienced some great highs. At a professional level, the year has been characterised by hard work, growth, and questioning. Questioning within my topic of research, because I started doctoral studies this year, but also questioning myself; where I want to go, what I want to focus on, and what’s important. That journey is ongoing. The three ideas below are ones that, in one way or another, came into focus for me this year, which I hope to carry into 2023.

Philosophy, Topical / MiscSonia DiabDecember 30, 20222022, productivity, reflections, self

Too Much of a Good Thing: When Strengths Become Weaknesses

Some human qualities are generally accepted as positive ones. Generosity. Honesty. Courage. Kindness. These are characteristics that we inherently assume are part of ‘goodness’; qualities we strive to instil in our children as they grow up. But is it a simplification to think that our strengths will always operate in our favour?

In ancient philosophy, Aristotle famously conceptualised the ‘golden mean’. The idea is that too much or too little of a virtue is problematic, and we should instead strive towards the middle. The old version of seeking out the porridge that’s ‘just right’. Many Greco-Roman philosophers warn of the dangers of excess and advocate for temperance, so perhaps this is not surprising.

Human Behaviour, PhilosophySonia DiabNovember 17, 2021self, philosophy, Aristotle, strengths

Why People Are So Self-Conscious

If you’ve ever accidentally worn mismatching socks, or woken up with a pimple you can’t hide, or worn an outfit that defies your usual wardrobe style, you have probably felt it. That sense that everyone is looking at you; judging your appearance or noticing that flaw.

By the time you get home, you may have convinced yourself that your socks or pimple or slight alteration of appearance is the talk of the town.

Surely everyone in the office noticed as soon as you got to work in the morning.

The thing is... they probably didn’t.

What Socrates Can Teach Us About Influence

Socrates never wrote things down.

Does that seem odd to you? Even though he’s possibly the most well-known ancient philosopher in history, he didn’t write things down. We rely on the writing of people like Plato for insight into Socratic concepts.

Philosophy, Leadership and InfluenceSonia DiabJuly 29, 2020socrates, questioning, influence, self, learning

The Power of Vulnerability

Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.’

- Brené Brown

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, perhaps because everyone alive right now is living through what is likely to be the most uncomfortable period of their lives. Also, I have felt a lot of discomfort myself.

Philosophy, Human BehaviourSonia DiabJune 28, 2020self, Business, Mindset

Reinvention and The Function of Humankind

“The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.” - Marcus Aurelius

All these weeks into a global pandemic and the pot of life is simmering with feelings of excitement and hope. On one end, because it seems we finally have a chokehold on the virus for the moment – in Australia at least. The world seems to be getting its bearings, no longer unprepared for challenges ahead. And on the other end, because there is so much innovation and opportunity calling out to us, drawing us in like the smell of freshly baked banana bread.

PhilosophySonia DiabMay 2, 2020stoicism, Coronavirus, self, Aristotle