The Power of Vulnerability

‘Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.’

-       Brené Brown

I have spent much of my career studying peak performance and human behaviour. I grew up on the phrase that you have to get comfortable being uncomfortable, and I have since brought this into my branding (e.g. my book, Confidence is Uncomfortable), training and approach to my professional life for as long as I can remember.

 I have been thinking about this a lot lately, perhaps because everyone alive right now is living through what is likely to be the most uncomfortable period of their lives. Also, I have felt a lot of discomfort myself.

And in my reflections, I have come to realise that perhaps the most critical reason why discomfort can be so constructive is simply this: Being uncomfortable is often an indicator that you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

Whether that means you’re putting yourself out there for something new, speaking out about something important to you, or even asking that customer to buy from you. Discomfort tells us we’re presenting a piece of ourselves, opening it up to rejection, or scrutiny, or failure, or external opinions. And that is precisely why it helps us to challenge ourselves, grow, and perhaps have a positive impact beyond ourselves too.

For leaders, demonstrating vulnerability means they are putting their ego aside and breaking the mask of perfection, which many try to uphold. It means being open to different opinions or the concept that you might be wrong. And indeed, it means showing that you’re human, as we all are, and thus face the same challenges that every human has probably faced since the Savannah. Sometimes it means asking for help.

The fear of rejection or failure is not new. Evolutionary scientists theorise that these fears are deeply engrained in our psyche. That’s because humans aren’t particularly scary predators. In the earliest days, it’s suggested that one of the only ways we survived as a species was by working together, for example throwing rocks as a group to fend off big wild animals that wanted lunch[1]. It’s not as though we could have fought back with big teeth or extreme strength or, I don’t know, a stinger. For that reason, it was vital that humans stick together, so if someone didn’t help to throw rocks or didn’t support the group, they were socially ostracised from it. 

And now what may have begun as a simple evolutionary tool to promote collaboration and survival creates a new mountain to climb for the modern person. The fear of rejection or failure stops us from taking chances, speaking our mind, trying new things or anything else that might make us uncomfortable. It puts a wall around our vulnerabilities, limiting the possibilities that we’ll experience adverse outcomes while limiting our opportunities at the same time.

Putting vulnerability out there, then, does not seem to be a natural human impulse. Our brains are risk-averse. We don’t like change. We desperately crave belonging and esteem from others – all of us, some more than others. So, choosing to be uncomfortable by asking a customer that extra question; quitting a job and trying something new; going back to school; opening up to our partner; sharing our insecurities; speaking up about an injustice, or or or – these actions are ones we must practice and develop as a learned skill.

This time is nuts. I don’t need to go on about that, because we see it everywhere. But one silver lining in it is that many of us are being forced to experience discomfort and vulnerability. This comes from a dark cause – a flailing economy, a novel coronavirus pandemic. But if we must find some good in that darkness, it is that as Australia starts to open up again, we have been required to experience the very human experiences of vulnerability and discomfort.

Many businesses must now look at pivoting, changing their systems, addressing how they approach flexible work. Many people will sadly lose their jobs, or have already, and be forced to consider new opportunities. The economy will be challenging, in my opinion, for several years to come, and we will only continue to face more challenges as time goes on.

So, where is the good in this? If there were ever a time to get vulnerable, I’d suggest the landscape of economic recession / civil unrest / global pandemic is probably perfect for it. With normality in flux, we can naturally allow ourselves some more slack for trying something different, reassessing our priorities, speaking out more and giving new things an honest go. My business is one of many that have been affected by Covid-19, and I have been exploring new opportunities, different ideas, new ventures (like my podcast, Uncomfortable Millennials, which I haven’t posted another ep of in a while but it’s coming soon), and rekindling my love of old hobbies that I’d previously neglected.

Perhaps the natural discomfort we are experiencing from the state of the world can help us to build up our vulnerability muscles so that we can transfer that into other areas of our lives. If you can face the natural vulnerability and discomfort we are all feeling about 2020, then perhaps this can transcend into being more vulnerable with our loved ones, or in our work, or trying something new where we put ourselves out there and risk that failure and rejection because it is important to us. 

Some of the most impactful people in history have practised vulnerability – maybe not consciously, but every famous artist at one stage had to put forward their creation, that they’re emotionally tied to, to critics for judgment. Many big businesses now began with one or two people, willing to pitch and validate their market by putting their ideas out there. And from our relationships to our community to our professional lives, vulnerability propels us forward into authenticity, fulfilment, learning and success. Vulnerability pushes us out of comfort, out of safety, and into growth. 

Being vulnerable is not natural. It’s something we try to protect ourselves from, instinctively. But perhaps the events of 2020 will help us connect with our vulnerability and allow us to bring it into all areas of our lives at a new, elevated level. Perhaps it takes a global pandemic to remind us that we are all human, and our time is limited, and so we need to use this time we have to take chances, be open, and be completely ourselves. 

“Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: It is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots with it. The new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations and things can only come to you when you are vulnerable, i.e. open.” – Stephen Russell

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[1] There is a whole lot on this in the brilliant book, The Social Leap, which I highly recommend if you are interested in evolutionary behavioural sciences.