We're All a Bunch of Phonies
You’re heading into work, a little nervous because you have that big presentation today. The boss asked you to give it because you’ve been getting results in that area lately, so you’re to present processes that can be put in place to enhance the department.
You’ve worked hard on your presentation and your boss loved the outline. You can’t help but think, though, that something is wrong.
Your boss, your colleagues, your clients… they’re all wrong.
You’re a swindler.
You’re not qualified for this. Those results were a fluke, and all this praise you’ve been getting is ill-gotten. The boss’ kind words float around your head and you have this firm, underlying feeling that really, you have no idea what you’re doing. You shouldn’t be here.
Someone might stand up in the middle of your presentation and shout, ‘You have no idea what you’re doing!’ Deep down, you think that person would be correct. And it riddles you with fear.
When you suffer from imposter syndrome, you don’t see your achievements for what they are. You don’t accept that you deserve to be where you are. You question your abilities and your knowledge, and you think that on some level you’re faking it all and just haven’t been caught yet. You and your fraudulence are Bonnie and Clyde on a police chase, the police cars edging closer and closer to the back of your Ford.
Above is a snippet from my book released last year, Confidence is Uncomfortable.
Imposter syndrome is something I have returned to reflect on now because, frankly, I have felt little niggles of it trickling into my consciousness lately – especially as I have been venturing into new things. Those niggles have reminded me to back myself and keep myself in check.
Imposter syndrome is widely accepted as an incorrect feeling of fraudulence. It’s often described as an inability to internalise your success and competence, leaving you with a fear of being found out. Although the original writing on imposter syndrome in the 1980s (by the same people who created an imposter syndrome test, which you can try here) hypothesised that women would experience it more than men, it’s now known on the broader scale across society. Some recent surveying seems to back up these ideas of sex differences, finding that 2/3 of women have experienced it at work in the last year, and men are 18% less likely to self-report it.
Personally, after encountering so many people with fears of secretly having no idea what they’re doing, it seems to me a human-wide challenge. I was shocked when some people who had read this section in my book told me it resonated – people you would instantly deem successful and competent in their fields.
I’d suggest developments like social media do a great job of exacerbating how many people experience imposter syndrome, especially for millennials and zoomers. We know that perfectionism is on the rise, which is consistently linked to imposter syndrome. According to one review paper, imposter syndrome thrives on high-achievers, creatives and school students who set absurd goals for themselves. It builds on a fear of failure and a desire to be the best, and it loves a workaholic. And, it can lead to anxiety and mental dissatisfaction in the long term.
It’s the runner who thinks to themselves, ‘I just got lucky winning that race’. The writer who finds themselves responding to positive feedback with a thought in the back of their mind, ‘this person is totally overblowing what I’ve created, I’m not actually very good’.
I think it’s fair to argue that social media continually exposes us to people who project success. Social media is a new way to craft one’s identity, with the virtual identity now arguably surpassing the one that exists on land. And, most people use it accordingly: Sharing their wins, using it to self-promote, and occasionally to connect with others. I am convinced this is a key element contributing to increased perfectionism and consequent imposter syndrome today.
Figure 1 from the aforementioned review paper.
I also think that 2020 may be a catalyst. Not only for more serious mental disorders (which preliminary research to date vehemently suggests) but also for more generalised self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy and Imposterism.
We often rely on existing structures to ground us in reality and certainty. Work, routine, validation from our boss, hobbies, time with family – the list goes on and varies for individuals. But in 2020 many of those structures have changed, paused or stopped altogether.
In particular, I’m thinking of those who are starting new jobs, adjusting or pivoting their businesses, or transitioning their skill set into a different industry. It makes sense to me that Imposterism, even if it’s been lying dormant for a long time, will see an opening when we are starting something new, or trying something challenging or public. And considering many of our previous structures that may have acted as a kind of security blanket for our esteem have been dismantled this year, I expect we will see imposter syndrome now at an even higher level.
If you resonate with imposter syndrome, you’ll perhaps be reassured to know that you’re in good company. Dr Google suggests 70% of people experience it at one stage or another. In fact, many celebrities have spoken about or alluded to experiencing it themselves, from Michelle Obama to Maya Angelou to Albert Einstein, who is attributed to the quote,
“The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.”
In other words, it’s pretty normal to occasionally feel like you have no idea what you’re doing. After all, we’re all just meat sacks fumbling along in this big ole world, trying to find our way to happiness and fulfilment. We’re all just trying to make the right decisions, pick the right next steps, and think the right way. We’re all a bunch of bloody imposters.
For some reason, acknowledging how common these thoughts are in humans always helps me to quickly let them go.
Moments of self-doubt are natural – perhaps even necessary for our continued development. After all, if you never doubted yourself, you’d never be open to improving. But when those moments of doubt stop serving us, we have to check ourselves. As Salvador Dali said, “never fear perfection, you’ll never reach it.”
I think in this time it is important that we stay in touch with ourselves as best we can because these feelings can creep up in subtle, unassuming ways. If we make a habit of checking in with ourselves often, be that through journaling, meditation or sitting in reflection on your balcony with a cup of tea, we can make sure we’re gifting ourselves the positive energy we deserve.
Holden Caulfield would probably call all of us phonies. And even though no one is perfect, we all have positive traits, achievements and skills that should be internalised, celebrated and used as a springboard for confidence and embracing new challenges. At the end of the day, we’re all in this bumbling atmosphere of uncertainty together. We might as well back ourselves along the way.
Has 2020 brought some niggling feelings of imposter syndrome to you? How have you overcome it?
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