What Socrates Can Teach Us About Influence
This blog piece originally appeared in my newsletter, on July 6th, 2020. To subscribe to my newsletter, click here.
Socrates never wrote things down.
Does that seem odd to you? Even though he’s possibly the most well-known ancient philosopher in history, he didn’t write things down. We rely on the writing of people like Plato for insight into Socratic concepts.
I’m glad Plato wrote things down, because we can learn a lot about influence and personal development from Socrates. Like the following…
Questions are the answer.
Most of Plato’s dialogues feature Socrates engaging in conversation with an ‘interlocutor’, a person who serves as his student.
There are many times in these conversations where Socrates could come out with a lecture or speech to explain why his student is wrong, or what the student’s ideas are missing, but he rarely does. Socrates believed the best way to engage with philosophy and knowledge was through dialogue. So instead, he asked questions. Thoughtful, probing questions. A shitload of them.
Most of the time, he was more a facilitator of questions than a giver of answers. (He’d be an annoying but insightful friend, I imagine).
He didn’t pretend to know everything. Sometimes, he would even ask for help understanding something and use that to kickstart the conversation.
There is perhaps nothing more compelling than being asked a thought-provoking question. It’s far stronger than giving a detailed explanation why someone is wrong, or why you’re right. Socrates used questions to help people challenge their thinking and come to their own conclusions.
And questions are seen as a powerful force in behavioural science more generally. Research from Harvard in 2017 found that when people ask more questions, they are seen as more likeable. When speed dating, people who asked more questions to their romantic prospects were more likely to get a second date.
Why might that be? One reason is probably because it gets people talking about themselves. Talking about yourself has been linked to the same kind of chemical reaction in the brain as when indulging in a good meal, or winning money. Put another way, it feels good. That’s the narcissist in all of us, I suppose.
It’s also a subtle tool of influence, because research suggests that despite the benefits, people don’t expect that asking questions will increase interpersonal liking.
In the sales world, surveys consistently indicate that salespeople who ask more questions are higher performers. For example, in Neil Rackham’s famous Spin Selling, he discusses their studies going back to the 60’s that all showed “the same fundamental finding: There were a lot more questions in successful calls… than in those calls which resulted in continuations and no-sales.”
One analysis in 2017 used AI to examine over 500,000 sales calls. One finding was that average performers often ‘front-load’ some questions at the start of the process, whereas high performers create more dialogue and ask more questions across the sales journey as whole.
In other words, questioning shouldn’t be a ‘tick the box’ situation. If you really want to have meaningful conversations and impact, you need to ask a lot more questions… all the time. Questions prompt someone to engage actively with the topic, show you care, and make the other party feel more involved in the conversation.
There are a lot of political discussions happening in the world right now. People are more polarised than ever. And if you’re engaging with someone who might have a different view to you, remember that you’ll be far more influential if you start the conversation with phrases like ‘Can you explain what you mean when you say…’ or ‘Could you help me understand…’ or 'What are your thoughts on...' or ‘Let’s get on the same page about our definitions, when you say [X] how would you define it…?’
This kind of conversation can also help you to challenge your own thinking, as you're prompted to defend your position in dialogue. With an open mind, you might even find your own opinion changing along the way.
And if you do feel the need to instead begin with ‘this is why you’re wrong’, remember: Socrates is arguably the most influential philosopher in history. And if there’s anything we can take away from arguably the most influential philosopher in history, it’s that sometimes the best way to influence someone is to ask them questions, understand their perspective and help them to change their own mind.
The omniscient soul.
It surprised me to learn that Socrates seemed to hold beliefs not unlike that which we find in religions like Hinduism and Buddhism. For him, the soul is immortal, and continues on - not unlike reincarnation. For Socrates, then, you already have all the knowledge there is to have – so when you learn something new, you’re actually remembering something your soul has always known.
I liked learning about this because it was unexpected, and whether it aligns with your belief system or not there is something powerful here: The idea that you have all the potential in the world, and it’s up to you to simply reveal that potential. I think this can help us when decision-making (do I really need 84 other opinions? Or can I analyse this information and come to my own conclusion?); when we’re unhappy with our progress (knowing we have the power to improve), and self-confidence. It’s a pretty similar – albeit more spiritual – idea we could link to the growth-mindset. As long as you keep working to improve, you will improve. The potential for growth and knowledge is limitless.
And this mindset can almost certainly help us to set higher goals, build our self-esteem and believe that we are capable of incredible things.
The influential person leans into this kind of mindset, confident that they can grow to become who they want to be. They don’t need to clap along with the crowd to feel belonging, and they aren’t looking to the outside to validate themselves. They trust themselves and their journey.