The Power of Silence
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Silence is golden
“Be silent, or say something better than silence.” -Pythagoras
We hear many stories of philosophers, writers, inventors and thinkers embracing silence. How they would go for long walks with nothing but the sound of nature to accompany them, or sit and think, alone, in their studies.
And yet, silence today is a rarity. To find it, we must consciously seek it out. Some researchers contend that people today have acquired a learned fear of silence, borne out of constant background noise from the radio and TV in childhood. I usually have the radio, Spotify or the TV on in the background of whatever I’m doing, so I appreciate that desire to have some sort of bustling audio energy around you. Even now, as I write this, I’m listening to the Classical Essentials playlist on Spotify (my go-to when writing).
Because of these background-noise habits, which could be compounded by our constant connectivity to social media, a fear of silence might be more profound in today’s society than ever before.
I wonder if this fear could stop us from really focusing on our tasks. After all, if you remember being in school or at uni doing an exam, it’s likely that you needed silence to concentrate – to a point where any tiny sound would be an irritating jolt of distraction.
(A moment of silence now for those moments when you needed to cough or sneeze in an exam and faced that public scrutiny of causing a ruckus.)
Turning to science, it seems sounds can influence our health and wellbeing. One study found that blood pressure was higher in people living near an airport. Other fascinating research found that, for students living in Manhattan apartment blocks facing a highway, the intense background noise impacted on their reading levels[1]. Kids living on lower floors were more likely to suffer hearing problems, and it’s thought this is what led to lagging reading skills for their age. Noise pollution has also been linked to mental health issues and other health-related problems.
Comparatively, experiencing silence seems pretty conclusively good for us. A 2013 study on mice (written about in this article) found that 2 hours of silence each day triggered functional cell development in the brain. Though this looks to be early research, the idea that silence could help us enhance our brain functioning is pretty enticing.
Another study in 2006 explored the impact of different music styles on relaxation. It came to a surprising conclusion – that the two-minute break of complete silence after the music played was the most relaxing stage of it all.
Other articles I read spoke about silence in relation to a greater sense of calm, greater access to creativity, and reduced stress. (The stress reduction especially makes sense to me - have you ever tried to get into a tricky parking spot and had to turn the music down to focus? Same.) Overall, those philosophers, writers, et. al. probably gained a lot from their walks and quiet moments alone.
Silence and self
And, of course, sitting in silence allows us to reflect. There are suggestions from recent research that our ‘default mode’ in the brain is one of self-reflection. So, when our brains aren’t consumed by anything else, we most likely default to our minds wandering and thinking about ourselves. We can joke that humans are so self-absorbed that even doing nothing is selfish for us, but in reality, embracing silence as an opportunity to reflect can be a beautiful opportunity.
Mindful practices like meditation allow us to engage with this space, in large part because they require choosing to block out the noise of the world and dive within.
Monastic silence is also well known. The recent rise of silent retreats as holiday destinations is fascinating: perhaps we have all become more conscious of how noisy our world usually is, to the point where engaging with quiet is actually novel for us. I actually know a few people who went on silent retreats for a holiday, but they didn’t talk much about it.
And even though we might not take a vow of silence any time soon, embracing pauses instead of trying to fill them can bring significant benefits. Conscious quiet time can be a gift.
Silence can help us assess how we approach speech and really think about what we’re communicating. It can give us the space to think. In speaking less, we can listen to others more effectively and ultimately communicate more articulately and powerfully. And, counterintuitively, silence can help us to influence others, too.
Silence and influence
I made a phone inquiry to a real estate agent this week. I noticed when we were talking that he allowed for a lot of pauses. Because there was so much silence – and because I’m human – I found myself giving him more information than I would have otherwise. Remember, many of us subconsciously fill silences to ease discomfort.
Cicero purportedly said that “silence is one of the great arts of conversation”, and if we pay attention, we can observe how it weaves through and shapes dialogue on a day to day basis. Even in theatre, pauses can often be the most powerful part of a soliloquy.
There are suggestions that, in conversation, if you slowly nod your head in silence while someone is talking, they’re likely to speak up to 3 or 4 times longer than if you don’t. In an influencing or selling scenario, the person who is most comfortable with silence has an additional layer of sway over the conversation.
When someone doesn’t respond to our question or statement straight away, it’s tempting to fill that dead air by speaking more – to expand, gloss over, or justify what we’ve just said. To avoid the discomfort of silence. But by all accounts, when you’ve said what you need to say the best choice is to let the silence fill the room, give the other person a chance to absorb your words, and let the moment happen. And anyway, the other party is likely feeling the same urge to interrupt the quiet. In this way, silence can be an incredible tool of influence.
I’m naturally a fairly talkative person. Perhaps that’s why silence is so intriguing to me. I love the idea of reframing silence from an absence of noise to a presence of peace. It is as much a tool of influence as it is a doorway to more meaningful conversations. And, of course, sitting in the silence ourselves can facilitate more self-reflection, clarity, creativity and calm.
In this anfractuous, loud, overwhelming year, it’s probably worth considering what noise we are allowing into our lives – both in the background and the foreground. Making more conscious choices about sound in our environment, and how we interact with silence in conversation, can facilitate self-growth and have a positive impact on our lives.
This piece first appeared in my newsletter. To get pieces like this delivered straight to your inbox weeks ahead, alongside book recommendations and updates , click here.