NEWSLETTER SAMPLE: NEWSLETTER 1 , sent july 6 2020

Socrates never wrote things down.

Does that seem odd to you? Even though he’s possibly the most well-known ancient philosopher in history, he didn’t write things down. We rely on the writing of people like Plato for insight into Socratic concepts.

I’m glad Plato wrote things down, because we can learn a lot about influence and personal development from Socrates. Like the following…

Questions are the answer.

Most of Plato’s dialogues feature Socrates engaging in conversation with an ‘interlocutor’, a person who serves as his student.

There are many times in these conversations where Socrates could come out with a lecture or speech to explain why his student is wrong, or what the student’s ideas are missing, but he rarely does. Socrates believed the best way to engage with philosophy and knowledge was through dialogue. So instead, he asked questions. Thoughtful, probing questions. A shitload of them.

Most of the time, he was more a facilitator of questions than a giver of answers. (He’d be an annoying but insightful friend, I imagine).

He didn’t pretend to know everything. Sometimes, he would even ask for help understanding something and use that to kickstart the conversation.

There is perhaps nothing more compelling than being asked a thought-provoking question. It’s far stronger than giving a detailed explanation why someone is wrong, or why you’re right. Socrates used questions to help people challenge their thinking and come to their own conclusions.

And questions are seen as a powerful force in behavioural science more generally. Research from Harvard in 2017 found that when people ask more questions, they are seen as more likeable. When speed dating, people who asked more questions to their romantic prospects were more likely to get a second date.

Why might that be? One reason is probably because it gets people talking about themselves. Talking about yourself has been linked to the same kind of chemical reaction in the brain as when indulging in a good meal, or winning money. Put another way, it feels good. That’s the narcissist in all of us, I suppose.

It’s also a subtle tool of influence, because research suggests that despite the benefits, people don’t expect that asking questions will increase interpersonal liking.

In the sales world, surveys consistently indicate that salespeople who ask more questions are higher performers. For example, in Neil Rackham’s famous Spin Selling, he discusses their studies going back to the 60’s that all showed “the same fundamental finding: There were a lot more questions in successful calls… than in those calls which resulted in continuations and no-sales.”

One analysis in 2017 used AI to examine over 500,000 sales calls. One finding was that average performers often ‘front-load’ some questions at the start of the process, whereas high performers create more dialogue and ask more questions across the sales journey as whole.

In other words, questioning shouldn’t be a ‘tick the box’ situation. If you really want to have meaningful conversations and impact, you need to ask a lot more questions… all the time. Questions prompt someone to engage actively with the topic, show you care, and make the other party feel more involved in the conversation.

There are a lot of political discussions happening in the world right now. People are more polarised than ever. And if you’re engaging with someone who might have a different view to you, remember that you’ll be far more influential if you start the conversation with phrases like ‘Can you explain what you mean when you say…’ or ‘Could you help me understand…’ or 'What are your thoughts on...' or ‘Let’s get on the same page about our definitions, when you say [X] how would you define it…?’

This kind of conversation can also help you to challenge your own thinking, as you're prompted to defend your position in dialogue. With an open mind, you might even find your own opinion changing along the way.

And if you do feel the need to instead begin with ‘this is why you’re wrong’, remember: Socrates is arguably the most influential philosopher in history. And if there’s anything we can take away from arguably the most influential philosopher in history, it’s that sometimes the best way to influence someone is to ask them questions, understand their perspective and help them to change their own mind.

The omniscient soul.

It surprised me to learn that Socrates seemed to hold beliefs not unlike that which we find in religions like Hinduism and Buddhism. For him, the soul is immortal, and continues on - not unlike reincarnation. For Socrates, then, you already have all the knowledge there is to have – so when you learn something new, you’re actually remembering something your soul has always known.

I liked learning about this because it was unexpected, and whether it aligns with your belief system or not there is something powerful here: The idea that you have all the potential in the world, and it’s up to you to simply reveal that potential. I think this can help us when decision-making (do I really need 84 other opinions? Or can I analyse this information and come to my own conclusion?); when we’re unhappy with our progress (knowing we have the power to improve), and self-confidence. It’s a pretty similar – albeit more spiritual – idea we could link to the growth-mindset. As long as you keep working to improve, you will improve. The potential for growth and knowledge is limitless.

And this mindset can almost certainly help us to set higher goals, build our self-esteem and believe that we are capable of incredible things.

The influential person leans into this kind of mindset, confident that they can grow to become who they want to be. They don’t need to clap along with the crowd to feel belonging, and they aren’t looking to the outside to validate themselves. They trust themselves and their journey.

Book Recs

If your productivity has been up and down in 2020, you’re not alone. Here are 3 great books that can help you get back in focus.

Deep Work – Cal Newport. Deep Work is about getting in flow, ‘the ability to focus without distraction on a cognitively demanding task.’ Cal Newport is one of my favourite writers, so I’m biased here. But this book is incredible.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen Covey. Written in 1989, more needed than ever in 2020.

Indistractable – Nir Eyal. Published in late 2019, this book is a nice accompaniment, for me, to Deep Work. Really specific, practical advice for minimising distraction in a noisy world.

Some themes in these books: Create rituals that help you get in and out of work flow effectively, prioritise and categorise tasks, start with the end in mind, stop doing dumb things that detract from what’s important to you.

Thanks

Well, this is my first newsletter, I hope you like it. If you know someone else who might enjoy it, feel free to forward it on to them. If you were forwarded this email and want to join yourself, you can subscribe for weekly exclusive content here.

Latest from me

Pod ep: “It is better to starve to death in a calm and confident state of mind than to live anxiously amidst abundance.” – Epictetus

Reaching for Calm (On Tranquillity and Presence) – this episode is less science-heavy than usual. I think that suits the theme of it. We look at the dichotomy of control, external validation, comparing with others, mindfulness and presence, and gratitude practice. Uncomfortable Millennials continues to be a fun experiment. You can listen on Spotify or iTunes.

Article: The Power of Vulnerability – something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. “If you can face the natural vulnerability and discomfort we are all feeling about 2020, then perhaps this can transcend into being more vulnerable with our loved ones, or in our work, or trying something new where we put ourselves out there and risk that failure and rejection because it is important to us.”

Also, feel free to follow me on twitter. Getting really into the platform lately.

Happy Monday!